How to Receive a Compliment Without Deflecting | Nervous System

Let me ask you something. Think about the last time you received a compliment. Someone said your hair looked nice, they liked your outfit, or praised something you did.

How did you respond?

Did you deflect with something like:

• "Thanks, but my hair needs to be cut"

• "My roots are starting to show"

• "It only looks good because I just got it done—don't worry, it'll be disheveled next week"

• "No way, YOUR hair looks amazing!"

If this sounds familiar, there's a deeper pattern at play, and it lives in your nervous system.

Why You Can't Take a Compliment: The Real Reason

Here's what I want you to notice: when you receive a compliment and deflect (even if you say "thank you" first) there's something uncomfortable about receiving goodness that you don't believe you've earned.

This isn't a character flaw. It's not about being modest or humble. It's a nervous system pattern.

What You Learned About Receiving as a Child

When we were little kids, we were unfiltered, unsocialized, and unapologetic about expressing what we really felt, thought, wanted, and needed.

But somewhere along the way, we learned that:

• Wanting is ungrateful

• Desire is shameful

• Expressing your needs makes you "too much"

• If you want something good, you have to earn it

Through our relationships and attachment experiences, we learned that love could be removed if we expressed ourselves in ways that didn't fit what others wanted. Maybe our caregivers openly criticized these expressions. Maybe it was mor subtle. But somewhere along the way, we adapted.

We learned to make ourselves smaller. To deflect. To minimize. To not receive.

Understanding Your Nervous System Set Point

I call this your nervous system set point.

Think of it like an emotional thermostat. All of us have a nervous system that behaves like a thermostat set to a specific emotional state. This becomes your default state, the emotional state that you always return to. It's the lens through which you see the world.

And here's what matters: if you can't receive a compliment, it likely means your nervous system set point is calibrated to an emotional state that creates dissatisfaction in your life.

The Compliment Test: A Reflection of Your Ability to Receive

The compliment test is actually a direct reflection of your ability to:

• See beauty

• Notice goodness

• Receive love

• Be nourished by the good things available to you

If you notice you often deflect compliments and immediately reflect the praise back to the other person "No, YOU look amazing!"you're witnessing your nervous system's calibration in real time.

Your nervous system doesn't feel safe receiving. It feels safer giving, deflecting, minimizing.

How to Learn to Receive Compliments: A Somatic Practice

So how do you change this? How do you recalibrate your nervous system set point?

For your nervous system to change, you need to offer it new experiences in small doses, so the unfamiliar feelings start to feel safe.

The Daily Practice

Twice a day, give yourself 10 minutes to ask yourself one of these questions:

• What do I want?

• What do I need?

• What would feel good?

• What would be a self-loving choice?

Then spend a few minutes responding to the answer. Really listening. Really receiving your own truth. If you can, take a small action to pair with the answer.

The In-the-Moment Practice

Start practicing a confident "thank you" when you receive a compliment, and take notice of any discomfort that comes up for you.

When that discomfort arises, ask yourself:

• Where is it coming from?

• What state of mind would I need to be in to feel comfortable with this?

• What needs to change for me to get there?

These questions help you identify your specific nervous system pattern and begin to shift it.

Why Deflecting Compliments Matters More Than You Think

Your ability to receive compliments isn't just about social interactions. It's a window into how you receive:

• Love and support from others

• Opportunities and abundance

• Success and recognition

• Nourishment and care

• Your own worthiness

If your nervous system is calibrated to deflect compliments, it's likely calibrated to deflect other forms of goodness.

This is why the work of learning to receive is so profound. It's not vanity. It's not superficial. It's about recalibrating your entire relationship with receiving the good things that are already available to you.

Understanding Your Nervous System Pattern

If you struggle to receive compliments, it's not because you're broken or because you have low self-esteem.

It's because your nervous system was calibrated (through repeated experiences) to protect you from disappointment, from wanting too much, from being "too much."

But you can change this. You can recalibrate.

The first step is understanding YOUR specific nervous system pattern—where you get stuck, what triggers your deflection response, and what somatic practices will help you shift.

Take the Skills for Resilience Assessment

I created a free Skills for Resilience Assessment that helps you identify exactly where your nervous system is getting stuck when it comes to receiving and giving fully.

Take the free assessment here →

The Bottom Line on Learning to Receive

You deserve to take that compliment. And your nervous system can learn to let you.

It starts with awareness. With noticing the deflection. With asking the deeper questions about where it comes from and what needs to change.

And it continues with practice—small, consistent moments of choosing to receive instead of deflect.

Because receiving isn't just about compliments. It's about opening yourself to all the goodness, love, support, and abundance that's already here, waiting for you to take it in.