Why You Can't Trust Your Gut During Life Transitions | Brooke Shoup

If you're navigating a major life transition and suddenly feel like you can't trust your own decisions anymore, you're not alone—and you're definitely not broken. Whether you're dealing with a career change, becoming a new parent, going through a divorce, moving to a new city, or any other significant life shift, that scrambled feeling where every choice feels wrong is actually your nervous system responding exactly as it should during times of change.

In this comprehensive guide (and accompanying video), I'll break down the science behind why life transitions disrupt your intuition, why your old coping strategies suddenly stopped working, and give you three practical, body-based tools to help you reconnect with yourself and start making decisions from clarity instead of confusion.

In this video, you'll discover:

• Why your "window of tolerance" gets narrow during major life changes

• The real reason your gut feelings became so unreliable

• Why traditional advice like "just trust yourself" doesn't work right now

• How unresolved grief from transitions blocks your inner knowing

• 3 evidence-based tools to rebuild trust in your decision-making abilities

• A personal story about navigating postpartum overwhelm and nervous system dysregulation

The Hidden Cost of Life Transitions on Your Nervous System

When you go through any major life change, whether it's positive or challenging, your nervous system loses many of the safety anchors that kept you regulated. These consistent touchpoints (your morning routine, familiar environment, predictable schedule) create what trauma therapists call "co-regulation cues" that help your body feel safe.

Without these anchors, your window of tolerance (the zone where you can think clearly, access your emotions appropriately, and make good decisions)becomes much narrower. This isn't a personal failing; it's basic neurobiology.

Why Your Old Coping Strategies Stopped Working

Many women come to me saying, "Nothing I used to do to feel better works anymore." This often happens because life transitions don't just change your external circumstances—they call you to grow into a new version of yourself.

Your old coping mechanisms were designed for your previous life situation. When that situation changes dramatically, those tools may no longer be effective because you're being called to develop new ways of managing stress, processing emotions, and making decisions that align with who you're becoming.

The Grief No One Talks About During Life Transitions

Every transition involves loss, even the positive ones. When you get married, you lose your single identity. When you have a baby, you lose the freedom of pre-parenthood. When you start a new career, you lose the version of yourself who was competent in the old role.

This unnamed grief often gets stuck in our bodies, creating a barrier to fully embracing what's available in our new season of life. Learning to acknowledge and honor these losses is crucial for moving forward with clarity and confidence.

3 Evidence-Based Tools to Reconnect with Your Intuition

Tool 1: Rebuild Your Safety Anchors

Reflect on routines from the last time you felt grounded and adapt elements to your current situation. Consistency signals safety to your nervous system, helping expand your window of tolerance over time.

Tool 2: Body-Based Decision Making (The STEW Method)

Instead of forcing old coping strategies, learn to check in with your body's wisdom to understand what you actually need in each moment. This involves slowing down enough to sense what feels expansive versus contractive in your system.

Tool 3: The Grief List Exercise

Create a comprehensive list of what you've lost in this transition and allow yourself to feel the impact of each loss. Unprocessed grief keeps us stuck between our old life and our new one.

Moving Forward: Integration and Next Steps

Rebuilding trust in yourself after a major life transition is a form of recovery that takes time and patience. Start with one small safety anchor and give your nervous system time to recalibrate. Remember: you're not broken, you're not failing, you're in a transition, and transitions are inherently challenging for human nervous systems.

If you're struggling with decision-making anxiety, feeling overwhelmed by life changes, or simply wanting to feel like yourself again, know that these feelings are temporary and workable. With the right tools and understanding, you can navigate this season with more ease and ultimately emerge more connected to your authentic self than ever before.