What to Do When You're Stuck in Overfunctioning (And Your Body Won't Let You Rest)

I got this amazing question during a recent training, and I thought to myself...other people need to hear this too. So Welcome to my very first blog Q&A post! (And hey, if you have questions you'd love me to answer, drop them in the comments.)

Here's the question that kicked this whole thing off:

"What do I do if I'm stuck in overfunctioning? My body lives there. How do I learn to relax?"

Ooff, can you feel that? If you've ever felt like you literally CAN'T sit still, or like have to keep moving even when your exhausted, or like relaxing feels almost... wrong? This one's for you.

What Even IS Overfunctioning?

Let's get clear on what we're talking about here. Overfunctioning is this pattern where you're constantly over-taking responsibility. You're doing things for other people that they could really be doing for themselves. You're busying, overworking, overdoing, over-giving.

It's this hyper-responsibility habit that comes with a "can't sit still" energy.

You know how we talk about fight or flight? Well, flight isn't always literally running away. Overfunctioning is often connected to what we call the flight stress response. A lot of times, it looks like escaping uncomfortable feelings by staying busy and distracted.

When It's More Than Just a Bad Habit

Okay, here's what I really want you to hear: If you're someone who's CONSTANTLY in one of the Four F's (Fight, Flight, or Freeze) it means something deeper is going on.

It means a threat protector has actually become part of your personality. Part of your identity.

We need to look back into your story and figure out where these protectors were learned, and what experience you'll need to show your body that you don't need that protector anymore.

And listen, before you start thinking you're broken or alone in this, I truly believe every single person on this planet has some type of threat protector built into their personality. Some people have more, some have less, but everyone has it. This is 100% part of being human! It means your nervous system is actually doing its job.

AND... if you're done living in protectors and you want to show up to life freely and fully as your true self? That's exactly the work we're going to talk about today.

Here's What Chronic Overfunctioning Is Really Costing You

When you really think about it, chronic overfunctioning is tangled up with:

• Chronic self-abandonment (constantly putting everyone else first)

• Chronic disconnection from yourself (losing touch with who you actually are)

• Chronic struggle to enjoy life and relax (because rest feels like laziness)

So the healing work? It's about getting back to a right relationship with yourself, your actual identity, at the root.

The 6 Skills That Will Change Everything

Alright, so what does the real healing work actually look like? Let me walk you through exactly what I'd want to work on with a chronic over-functioner.

1. Shame Resilience (Because This Is Where It All Started)

First up, we'd work on shame resilience. Here's why this matters SO much: shame is where these protector parts are born.

Somewhere in your story, some part of your true self was rejected, punished, ridiculed, or ignored. So that part went into hiding, and a protector stepped in to keep you safe.

With overfunctioning specifically, all that busying and over-responsibility is probably a coping tool for dealing with something that was missing, something you really needed but didn't get.

And can I tell you what's often at the root of overfunctioning?

The need to be delighted in and celebrated for who you ARE, not just for what you DO or what you can offer other people.

Let that land for a second.

2. Self-Compassion (AKA Stop Being Mean to Yourself)

Next, we'd dive into self-compassion work. We'd look at things like:

• How do you actually talk to yourself when no one's listening?

• How do you criticize or judge yourself?

• Are the expectations you have for yourself even reasonable? Or human?

This matters because we need to create space for you to see yourself differently, not just as a productivity machine. We also need to create emotional safety in your body. And that's impossible if you're constantly attacking yourself.

3. Mind-Body Connection (Learning to Listen Again)

We'd create a customized mind-body connection practice to help you tune back into your body's signals and re-learn how to understand your own needs.

This is about learning to listen again. To notice when your body is saying "I need rest," or "this relationship doesn't feel right," or "this is the path for me."

Your body is carrying SO much wisdom, but we can't access any of it when you're stuck in chronic overfunctioning.

4. Responsibility Management (What's Actually Yours?)

Here's where we'd look at what responsibilities actually belong to you, and where you're picking up things that don't.

If you're a chronic overfunctioner, you've probably been conditioned to believe "everything is my responsibility" or "if something goes wrong, it's my fault." And I'm guessing it's really, really hard for you to accept help from others.

So we'd explore: What actually belongs to me? Where am I taking on things that aren't mine to carry?

This is HUGE. So much overfunctioning comes from having blurry boundaries around what's yours versus what belongs to someone else.

5. Value-Based Boundaries (What Gets Your Yes?)

We'd get crystal clear on your values so you can make better decisions about what deserves your energy.

What do you actually want to say yes to? What do you need to let go of?

When you're clear on your values, boundaries stop feeling like this restrictive, scary thing and start feeling like self-respect in action. Like freedom.

6. The Economy of Giving and Receiving (This One's Deep)

Finally, we'd talk about the economy of giving and receiving. If you've been stuck in chronic overfunctioning, it probably means you were taught a really transactional, obligatory version of love.

And nothing burns us out faster than making choices that feel out of alignment with who we really are. Like we're betraying our own hearts over and over.

So we'd explore: When you DO give, how can you give from a place of joy, fulfillment, and true generosity? Not from obligation and "not-enoughness"?

It's Not About "Just Relax Already"

Here's what I really hope you're getting from this post: We started with a stress symptom (overfunctioning), but healing isn't about just white-knuckling yourself into relaxation.

It's not about "getting rid of the unwanted behavior."

It's about rebuilding trust with yourself. It's about redefining your worth as something that has nothing to do with your productivity. It's about creating a life that feels good from the inside out.

This Journey of Coming Home

If you're seeing yourself in this pattern, I want you to know, you're not broken. You're not alone. And yes, change is absolutely possible.

The healing involves patience, self-compassion, and usually the support of someone who gets it and can guide you through.

Because healing from chronic overfunctioning? It's a journey of coming home to yourself. Learning that your worth isn't tied to what you accomplish. That rest isn't something you have to earn. That you get to take up space simply because you exist.

And friend, I'm so here for that journey with you.

Want More Support Like This?

Join my email list to be the first to know when I launch my coaching group membership. We'll be working through these exact skills together in a supportive, warm community where you can finally stop performing and start being.

I'm so grateful you're here. Truly. And I'm cheering you on as you learn to come home to yourself.

Your turn: What resonated most with you in this post? Drop a comment below! And if you have questions you'd love me to tackle in future Q&A posts, I'd love to hear them.